I'm sorry I said that. I just made things awkward. Ahem. Well, I'm doing another post the night before mainly because I will be busy AGAIN on Thursday. But Happy Thursday to everyone, anyways. I won't always be busy on Thursdays, but I have to go get a bone spur in my chin checked out tomorrow, you know, to make sure I won't die anytime soon. The usual.
Now, I realized that y'all don't know what to do for a topic this week. Lucky for you, I've come to save the day! Da da da daaaaa! Here's the topic: What's your worst personality trait? Why? Oh, do tell!
Oh, here's a picture of me, by the way.
I apologize if I look like I just woke up or something. I just got back from school. It makes me frazzled.
Now I certainly don't have to think hard about this topic at all. Without doubt, my worst personality trait is selfishness. I have pissed a lot of people off that way, and I'm not proud of it. And I'm not talking about wanting everything for myself (although that's the case sometimes). I just spend so much time thinking about myself that I've found it difficult to be empathetic towards others. My Mama was the first to notice, and she was certainly vocal about it. It was even difficult to feel bad for my Grandma when she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. And when I would act indifferent about it when everyone else was sad, I remember my mom called me heartless. That stung, but it was one of many more insults to come.
As time passed, I built even more walls, blocking out all feelings that weren't mine. I was just so focused on myself, that others began to matter even less to me. I found my friends' complaints to be annoying and whiny. I hated it when someone else was liked over me. I hated when someone had something awesome happen to them and not me. I even got angry when my mom paid more attention to my friends than me when they were over. I was a mess. A small one, but a mess nonetheless. Without even realizing it, I was becoming a full-on bitch.
My selfish tendencies became more visible to others not much later. I said things to people I would've never said a year before that. My words were as harsh as my actions. I even snapped at my mom, which never happened. There was just too much negativity inside me.
I knew what I was doing was bad. I wanted to stop. But for the first time, people noticed me and did what I told them to (I used to be a huge pushover). It felt good, but in a bad way. It pained me whenever I couldn't feel for someone who was going through a rough time, but greed dulled the pain all too quickly.
Eventually, I had a huge talk with my mom about everything I felt. I can never hide things from her. I can lie through my teeth and hurt anyone else, but not her. She could break through my walls within seconds. And she did. They were gone before I knew it. I haven't lost my new-found gregariousness, but I am no longer a selfish bitch. Now don't get me wrong, I still have moments, but they're gone before I know it. I am kinder and stronger. But I didn't do anything. That was my mom's doing.
Does anyone have that one person who can see right through them? My mom and I are best friends, and I love her more than anyone else on this planet. We've gotten through more things together than alone.
Sorry for the astronomical amounts of cheese that just seeped through your brain. But I think this will help us get just a wee bit more insight about what we're all really like, not just how we act in public.
As for other things, I went down to Birmingham with a friend to see John and Hank. It was fantastic, you guys. I got a poster signed by them and everything. We didn't get back home until midnight, but it was well worth it. I finally obtained a Pizza John shirt! I got a picture with it, but my hair got in the way. It turned out to look hilarious, so I'l share it with y'all.
Doesn't it look amazing? I think so...I think so.
Lots of Love,
Emily
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