That's right kids! Gather round for Julia's story time!
I went to a really tiny primary school. Like, really really small. I think there were about six girls, counting me, in my entire year group, and around ten boys. Of course, at that age, being friends with boys is kind of just...no. And the issue was that I didn't really like any of the girls. So I had a best (only) friend in primary one, and then she left and moved to Australia. The same thing happened the next year (except the friend didn't move as far away this time). Then I made friends with a girl in the year below and she remained pretty much the only person I would hang out with at school.
This was all between the ages of five and ten, and then I moved schools (it's a long story, I won't bore you with it), and made a few new friends. But still, I got left with a horrifically dull personality. I was just that smart girl. Mildly socially inept. Really shy. Mostly harmless.
You see, trying to improve yourself while surrounded by the same minds, never meeting anyone new or different, is kind of like trying to build an internal combustion engine out of paper clips and cardboard boxes.
But then.
When I got to high school, a personality was starting to surface. I met some new people. I made some new friends. The next year I heard Biffy Clyro for the first time and suddenly there was this whole world of music I hadn't known existed. The year after that I went to camp for the first time.
I have this theory that everyone you meet changes you. You don't even have to know their name. You do have to let it happen, but we can get into all that psychological theorizing another day: what I'm trying to say is, I met a lot of people that year. And it changed me.
I'm not sure how noticeable the change was for the people who knew me. Maybe there had been a personality there under all the social ineptitude and shyness, but for the first time I felt like I was someone, someone who was actually fun and interesting. I was a lot more confident, more likely to burst into song in a public place just for the hell of it.
I'm now pretty happy with myself as I am, but all the above has left me with this constant desire to improve myself. I don't regret my lack of friends as a child, because it made me who I am...does that make sense? And I'm sure in a few years I will have changed a lot more - I hope for the better.
It's why I started dyeing my hair. I felt like I'd changed internally and wanted to show that in an external way, I guess. But I don't tell many people that because it would involve telling them this whole story.
So, back to the self-improvement thing: the thing I most need to change (i.e my worst personality trait) is definitely my inability to think before I speak.
Among my group of friends, we toss insults around like other people toss around pop culture references. It's not a big deal. We all know we're joking, and nothing ever really gets taken seriously. It's nice, comfortable. But it does mean that sometimes I forget that it's not ok to casually insult people who barely know you, and it's left me in some...um...difficult situations.
It doesn't seem like a big thing, I guess. But I feel like it's something that needs to change or, at best, I make myself look stupid, and at worst I offend people I care about.
I'm afraid that this has become a kind of "brief history of Julia" post. I'm sorry. To compensate, have this blurry picture of me with Alex Day:
That's also a story for another day.
(Sidenote: did you all know about my youtube channel? No? Take a look maybe...? *is shameless* www.youtube.com/juliaplusbanjo )
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