Also we seem to have had 2 topics raised since my last post so I'll answer the first and maybe we can use the other one next week.
My worst trait. I've been thinking about this for a while. To be honest delving into the part of my mind that is more than happy to find things wrong with me probably wasn't a good idea.
But I’ll go for the one I’m known for.
I have a HUGE tendency to be jealous. I mean of anything,
anyone. Give me enough time and enough reason and it crops up.
I guess it probarly started when I was really young. I grew
up with 2 sisters and the middle child usually gets the feeling of being
almost... bypassed I guess.
But the first time it got bad and stuck out was when I had
my first boyfriend. We got together when I was about 13 and we were fine. We
didn’t talk a lot, but we were fine.
And then when we started spending more time together and
eventually kissing, I started to realised I really, really liked him.
Now, as a side note, he had previously dated my best friend
and told me he had fancied a close friend of mine and another girl at our
school.
The second girl in school was to me quite pretty and she was
wildly confident. I was neither of these things. Until that point it wouldn’t
have bothered me.
She started calling over to him in our history lessons and
telling him she loved him. My boyfriends reaction, as was his reaction to most
things, was to stay quiet.
And so my mind wandered onto what he was thinking in his
silence. I couldn’t help but wonder if he was thinking the same thing back.
But I was shy and pretty much desperate to keep him around
so I didn’t say anything. Later on I had a dream that he ran away with her and
I went onto school completely down. He kept asking me what was the matter.
Eventually when we were alone I told him about the dream.
His reponse was less then sufficient. He said “Oh... ok.”
And pushing back the need to punch him in the face for not
even trying to comfort me, I mangaged to bite my tounge.
Unfortunatly around the end of our relationship I got
really, really jealous and then he left me for another woman he spent time with
in a sea cadets club thing.
So in the end it was justified.
But it means now that even in my current relationship where
he tells me how he feels about me and that he’s not going to do the same thing,
I do worry. You can never tell what’s going on in someone’s heads and because
he has a whole group of friends I don’t meet and have only heard stories of. I
usually get really jealous and nervous when I know he’s out with them and convince myself he'll come back from that saying he wants to leave me for one of them. As crazy as I am to be thinking like that.
Sorry this has been so long. I think thats probarly my worst
trait over rambling and being terrible at naming blog posts :)
Have a good week guys
Alix
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