Gah! I almost totally forgot it's Saturday! In my defence, not having to go to school just makes me lose track of time...and days...so yeah.
What have I done this week...I've tried to study. Stared at the walls a lot. I was meant to go into town with some nerdfighter friends yesterday but they cancelled on me, so I ended up just wandering about by myself. I bought Will Grayson, Will Grayson, the only John Green book I've yet to read, and volume three of Fullmetal Alchemist and volume five of the Sandman. That last one was on the top shelf in the comic book store - and that shelf is really high! I ended up asking a random, tall stranger for help. He looked really surprised but was very nice about it. Afterwards, I had to explain my Pizza John shirt to the comic book store guy, who didn't look like he understood at all. I go to that place so often, I swear, it's only a matter of time before I know all the staff by name.
I'm a prefect at my school and just before the holidays they gave out application forms for head prefectship, and I can't decide if I want to be head girl next year or not. See, my issue is, I think if I applied I've got a reasonably good chance of getting it. Like, it would by no means be a guaranteed thing. I'm not sure who else will apply and depending on who does the chances of me getting it are even doubtful. But I can't decide if I even want to apply. For one thing, I'll already have a lot of work next year and I don't do very well under a lot of pressure. Also, if I didn't get head girl, I might end up being deputy head girl, and that's just a slap in the face - all the responsibility, and none of the rewards.Another thing: I have absolutely no authority. Zero. I'm just not a very authoritative person. I could tell some first years to do something and they'd just laugh at me. So I don't know how good I'd be at being head girl. And furthermore, I sort of dislike having responsibility.
So you're probably looking at this list and thinking, Julia - if you've got all these objections, then why in hell are you even considering it? And the honest answer is...I have absolutely no idea. The logical part of my brain is screaming no don't do it this can only end badly, while my more egotistic brain is being all, no one is getting my head girl badge!
There are two things about it that appeal to me, the first being that it will look good when I apply to universities and stuff later this year. And I could probably use that, especially since I don't even know what I want to study, my life lacks direction, etc. The second is that a head girl makes a speech at the end of the year - a speech to the whole school and teachers and parents and stuff - and I really want to make that speech. I like public speaking, and I think I could do it really well. Leave an impression, I guess. Give them something to remember me by. Something funny, inspiring, and ultimately hopeful. I'm pretty sure I could pull that off. But getting to make the speech carries with it the disadvantage of having to do head girl type stuff for a whole year. And all of this is working under the assumption that I even get chosen.
Maybe I'm overthinking. I'm hoping for some kind of epiphany either tomorrow or the next day.
Alix, that sounds like a really tricky decision! I wish you the best of luck with it. I'm also really jealous that you have a concrete idea of what kind of career you want. Right now I'm thinking starving writer, or maybe lottery winner.
I hope you guys are all doing well! Best wishes;
Julia x
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